RADIO ANNOUNCER:Okay, what we'regetting now is, yes,
they're sayingit was, in fact,a fire that erupted
inside the externaI tankof the ship
exactly 98 secondsafter it enteredthe asteroid fieId.
No one is surewhat caused the fire
which Ied tothe massive explosion
killing all 1 2crew members and scientists
aboard the spaceshuttIe DeIiverance,
taking with them ourlast and only hope.
Once again,if you're just tuning in,
the CSA space shuttIeDeIiverance
has been destroyed.
The finaI mission tosave mankind has faiIed.
The 70-miIe-wide asteroidknown commonly as "Matilda"
is set to coIIide with Earthin exactly three weeks' time,
and we'll be bringing youup-to-the-minute coverage
of our countdownto the end of days,
along with all yourcIassic rock favorites.
This is Q1 07.2.
(60s POP MUSIC PLAYING)
I think we missedthe exit.
...they say the damageto the tower has rendered
aII ceIIuIartelephones useless.
No word yet on how longbefore water and power
will be shut off altogether.
But we'll be bringing youall the information you need
just as long aswe have a Iive feed.
And be sure to stay tunedat 9:00 p.m.Eastern Standard Time
for the End of the WorIdAwareness Concert.
RADIO ANNOUNCER:The human migrationcontinues...
(PEOPLE YELLING)
(HONKING HORN)
SURFER: Sorry, dude!It's okay.
WOMAN: What are you doing?
MAN: Hey, up yours, paI !
(PHONE RINGING)DODGE: I'm sorry, sir,
that's not coveredunder your current poIicy.
I'm afraid the Armageddonpackage is extra, yes.
WeII, that protects youand your famiIy
against any sort ofapocaIyptic disaster.
Asteroids, obviousIy,pIague, famine, Iocusts. . .
Drawbacks? Um. . .
The premiums are high. . .
(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
I'm sorry. . .Can you just hoId onfor one moment? Thank you.
(RETCHING)
(SOBBING)So feeI free to wear
your casuaI FridaycIothing pretty muchany day of the week.
And since Ted inHuman Resourcesis no Ionger with us,
(WOMAN SOBBING LOUDLY)
I thought I'd Iet you aII knowof a few positionsin upper management
that have beenmade avaiIabIe.
So, if anyone wants to beChief FinanciaI Officer. . .
CFO? Anyone?
Life has no meaning.
ALFRED: Anyone?
I reaIIy thinkI'm coming downwith something.
BICYCLIST: On your right!
On your right, buddy.
On your right!
You couId havetoId me that yesterday!
(VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING)
Linda?
Oh, hi, EIsa.